A small setback, a cold. Now it's weeks later and I've failed my own push up challenge and missed BJJ for at least a month. I did start reading this book: Do Over, Jon Acuff. It has changed the way I'm thinking about this test and my work. I'm still reading it so there's bound to be more but so far my top takeaway is this- I'm changing the hero part of my test. The first section of the book is about relationships. I realized that I've been looking for heroes my whole life. I've studied work that I admire.
There was a girl in Junior High, I can't remember her first name but her last was La-something beautiful sounding and French. She was fancy. I was plain. She was colorful. I was invisible. I studied her. She stood with her feet turned out...I thought then from her hours at the barre and her grace...now I realize she was exaggerating. Prideful. Arrogant. Not a very nice person. But the crowd where I was lost, parted and seemed to bow as she walked. So I watched.
Just watched. I didn't try to walk like her. I didn't try to style myself like her. I just studied and measured. She was seen because of who she was and I was invisible because of who I was. I really didn't want to be that, I just admired it. I admired the way people reacted to her. Shallow, yes. But just being real.
Still. I do this still. I get that looking at heroic work is supposed to be inspiring. I get that people doing excellent work should be seen, but are often invisible. My point in all this is that I want to be my own hero. I want to do my own work. I've watched and studied other people long enough.
So, no more hero profiles for me. Instead, I'm going to do 10 things to become my own hero. And, back to the book that made me think about all this, I'm going to work much more on relationships. I want to be seen by the people that actually matter to me. I've spent so much time on looking at the fancy people and disguising myself in those images that I'm not sure my own people know who I am. I think the way to start is by looking at who they are and having the courage to be my vulnerable with them.
