Growth Mindset Coaching: Practice Not Perfection

I want to weave growth mindset into my martial arts character curriculum and I'm reading a book about growth mindset coaching. Each month has a theme for growth and strategies to engage students. A growth mindset will help then in every area of life in addition to improving their performance in my martial arts classroom. Success on the mat doesn't always equal success off the mat. My goal this year is to expand what I teach on the mat to equip student with tools they can use in all areas of life. This is one of those "life skills" that many martial arts promote as a benefit of training. It's easy to promote because it's one of the natural side effects of training. I've fallen short on being intentional with the curriculum, because I don't have to work that hard to deliver these benefits. Martial arts does it for me. Most of the time. Too often it shows up years later. Someone makes the connection that their time in martial arts gave them skills they use long after the lessons stop. That's good, but I'm not satisfied with the chance they may or may not see the "hidden" everyday lessons in their practice. I want every student to know without a doubt why they are working and how to use what they learn.

Monthly Mantra #1- Teaching is a practice, not a perfection. 

It's so interesting to me how the universe keeps showing me where I need to work. I think that because of my personal struggles with this I'm naturally drawn here. I also think that because of those struggles I'm becoming equipped to help others. 

The test becomes the testimony, right? 

I've never felt this so deeply as now. Before, I felt it was a flaw. I was so bogged down by my perceived failings. How could I teach character if I managed my own life so poorly? Hello, perfectionist! My life isn't really so poorly handled, I run a successful business and most days mom better than I thought I could. My financial health and some relationships could use a good bit of work. 

Life is practice, growth, adjusting. Not perfect! 

I'm GRATEFUL to be able to let go of this more and more. I'm happier. Not perfect, happy. I used to think I would be happy when I reached that ideal whatever. Now I realize letting go of that ideal and being present with whatever arises is what makes me happy. Through my happiness and presence in my own truth I'm able to enjoy my life, stop striving, and be peaceful. That will teach my children and students more than any goal or ideal I could ever reach.

DO OVER - Jon Acuff on the escape of being STUCK and my HERO project

A small setback, a cold. Now it's weeks later and I've failed my own push up challenge and missed BJJ for at least a month. I did start reading this book: Do Over, Jon Acuff. It has changed the way I'm thinking about this test and my work. I'm still reading it so there's bound to be more but so far my top takeaway is this- I'm changing the hero part of my test. The first section of the book is about relationships. I realized that I've been looking for heroes my whole life. I've studied work that I admire.

There was a girl in Junior High, I can't remember her first name but her last was La-something beautiful sounding and French. She was fancy. I was plain. She was colorful. I was invisible. I studied her. She stood with her feet turned out...I thought then from her hours at the barre and her grace...now I realize she was exaggerating. Prideful. Arrogant. Not a very nice person. But the crowd where I was lost, parted and seemed to bow as she walked. So I watched.

Just watched. I didn't try to walk like her. I didn't try to style myself like her. I just studied and measured. She was seen because of who she was and I was invisible because of who I was. I really didn't want to be that, I just admired it. I admired the way people reacted to her. Shallow, yes. But just being real.

Still. I do this still. I get that looking at heroic work is supposed to be inspiring. I get that people doing excellent work should be seen, but are often invisible. My point in all this is that I want to be my own hero. I want to do my own work. I've watched and studied other people long enough.

So, no more hero profiles for me. Instead, I'm going to do 10 things to become my own hero. And, back to the book that made me think about all this, I'm going to work much more on relationships. I want to be seen by the people that actually matter to me. I've spent so much time on looking at the fancy people and disguising myself in those images that I'm not sure my own people know who I am. I think the way to start is by looking at who they are and having the courage to be my vulnerable with them.

Diet NOT on point: UBBT and my M & M problem.

A few weeks ago I was tired and in a moment of weakness I bought a bag of M&Ms. This morning I'm up 10lbs on the scale. This is how it goes with me. Historically. I do really well with food choices. I eat pretty healthy overall. Then I give myself permission for a "treat" usually because I'm tired, stressed or sad. Feeling sorry for myself. Every single time, my self discipline goes right out the window. I think, " It's okay because I'm exercising more." I tell myself lies like, "This won't really affect my goals." Or most of the time I don't talk to myself at all. I just ignore it because I'm ashamed. I'm just feeding an emotion. Applying a salve to feeling worn out. I know that it doesn't help. I know the consequences, I'm in it right now and it is all too familiar. I know I'm not alone in this struggle! Food is medicine. Medicine can heal and it can also harm when used improperly. It's a slippery slope. So, I can sit here...or I can dust myself off and climb again. At least I know what trips me and sends me sliding.

Week 1 Numbers May 30 - Jun 5

Started back at 0 this week and kept a log in my planner. This will evolve as I add on but here is the basic set up.

Reality: Fell short of the goal numbers. Better planning will help.

Positive: I did push ups every day.

Back At Zero: Week 1 Round 3

I've been trying to find a way to get what I've done over the last year to count. Really, the last two years. Year and a half. That's when I froze. What I was doing up to that point was working. (Maybe that's why I froze. But that's another story for another time.) I just need to start over. I've been looking for a way to make it easier, because this test is very, very hard. So I looked...and I looked...and looked some more...all the while avoiding doing the work.

I've decided this: Stop looking for an easier way! Just do the work.

I dug out my journal from April/May 2014. That's when it was working. Instead of trying to figure out an easier (there's not one) way I'm just going to do what I was doing then. Embrace the suck, as one of my accountability partners would say.

Back at zero.
But this time I have experience of having tried and failed. Failing isn't the end of this for me, was a lesson. This time zero is a different starting point. I'm better equipped because of my experience. I'm stronger because of my experience. What will it take to see this through? Just do the work! 

Telling the Truth About My Weight & Showing Evidence of Progress - My Ultimate Black Belt Test Journal

My weight. It's been on my mind as long as I can remember.

First of all, I'm going to say this: I am very healthy. Physically. This is not about the physical. This is not about my physical health. This is about what I see when I look in the mirror. This is about how I think I appear to others. That struggle is so old and familiar to me that it's often hard to recognize which makes it difficult to change.

I identify with overweight and out of place. Even now. I'm not overweight or out of place. I maintain a healthy weight and have certainly found my place. Even though I've lost (more than once) a bunch of pounds and transformed my body from weak to strong...I still struggle. I've realized that I keep myself here because of fear. I'm afraid of not knowing who I am if I let that part of me go. It is what I know.

"You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down."  -Toni Morrison

I've resisted this part of the Ultimate Black Belt Test for the past two years and it's time I let go. I posted about my weight before, but I waited until I was happy. Until I felt ready. I didn't include any photos or what I was eating or how I was exercising, really all I was doing was talking the talk. No evidence. Since then I've gotten clear on what I want from this test: discipline and telling the truth.

So here's the first of my REAL progress posts.
In these photos (that I took today) I weigh 162.2 with 18.6% body fat.

Not bad...but it's not my ULTIMATE either.
It's like this is my off season condition, and game day is coming. So I'm going to get ready...and I'm going to keep you posted on how it's going and exactly how I'm doing it.



What I'm eating: mostly Vegetarian. Not strict. I just like vegetables more and I like meat less. No added sugars. I started this again a few months ago and I really like it. It helps me stick to eating simple, minimally processed food.

Short term food goal: meal prepping

Today's workout: I used my TRX to do 30 (10-10-10) rows and ass to grass squats then ran up and down my street. I'm not sure how far it is, but I ended up with around 13,500 steps for the day. The main idea was to get my heart rate up and move me towards my goal of at minimum 10K steps daily. I did that twice. I also did 50 push ups and a 200 rep ab workout.

Short term workout goal: be consistent

Alabama Build-Vention 2016 Highlights

The Ultimate Black Belt Test requires that I support the annual martial arts "anti-convention" Alabama Build-Vention. I do this gladly. I would attend and support the event even if I wasn't a test candidate.

What is it? An annual charity build event in rural Alabama started by UBBT founder Tom Callos. The event brings martial artists from all over the US and Canada to Greensboro, a small town on Hwy 69 just south of Tuscaloosa. So what's so special about this town? Pam Dorr, and her program HERO Housing. Take a look at the link if you're interested in learning what HERO does for the community there. It's extraordinary.

This was the 12th year of the project. I attended last year for the first time alone, this year I was joined by my student, JD. He's one of my first black belts and I was looking forward to this experience coming back with not only me but a senior student that influences the culture of the studio. He had no idea what he was in for! I explained the event but this is the kind of thing you have to experience to fully understand. He was there to support me, in my work and in my test. I couldn't have asked for more. The discussions we've had during and since are going to make an impact far into the future of Champion Taekwondo.

I took many pages of notes during the talks. Processing those along with thinking about the observations and experiences now that I'm home continue to inspire plans for my future. 

A few of the highlights:

Meeting and talking with Ali Fuller, founder of Level Ground Mixed Martial Arts in Boston. Her program and the way the thinks and talks about martial arts to enrich the lives of young people is revolutionary. She is and example of grit and perseverance on and off the mat.

Getting to hug Cathy Chapaty. We have been virtual friends for a few years now and have shared deeply with each other, but had never physically met. That was a good hug. Being able to talk and work with her was a gift. We have future work to do together which hasn't been revealed, but I know it's going to be good. Soul work. Kindred spirit work.

Reconnecting with the people I met last year was wonderful. It was visiting my tribe.

Being around and soaking in the lessons from one of my teaching heroes, Tom Callos. He is the reason I'm doing this crazy program in the first place. He talks about practicing and teaching the martial arts like nobody else. The language that he uses and the multitude of ideas he gives freely can change the way you think about your work. It certainly has for me.

My biggest take away was watching the young people. Their level of engagement was astounding. It was clear that this was not by accident, it was coming from their time spent in martial arts and the influence of the mentors in their lives. I teach all ages, but really my job is working with young people. I don't think I fully understood the power of that role. This clarity was a thought shift for me, and I know the impact on my program will be huge.